Hi everyone!  Did you miss me for the past week or two?  I took a little holiday vacation- and I figured all of you would be busy with your own holiday plans.  But I’m back, and I’m ready to tell you all about the best and the worst things I’ve found during 2012.  Actually, I didn’t really take a break, it just took me forever to compile a years’ worth of reviews!  I think the best way to do this is to put them into categories.  And keep an eye out for this *, that signifies my top 10. Those are the things you GOTTA do!  I also put the date I posted about it in case you want more details.  Here we go….

YOU CAN BE A SOCIAL GUINEA PIG TOO-

5.) CHICAGO CARES- http://www.chicagocares.org/ The last time I was out of work this organization gave me something to do every single day.  I worked with seniors, fed the homeless, and helped at after school programs with kids.  You can meet great people and feel good about what you’re doing.  And of course it’s free.   Post- 5/21

4.) ONE BRICK- http://www.onebrick.org/ An awesome volunteer organization!  They have lots of different opportunities (building homes, dealing poker at charity events, environmental…) and because it’s focused on socializing, after every event all the volunteers go out for lunch or a drink!  Also a great way to meet some very good, kind people while doing something altruistic!  Post- 2/29

3.) MEETUP- http://www.meetup.com/  Meetup has any kind of group you can imagine, events happening every hour of the day,  and it’s free to join.  The problem is it’s a hit or miss.  Events where 50 people sign up might only have 10 people show, and sometimes, half of those people are socially inept.  BUT it’s worth the risk because I’ve gone to fantastic events and made some great friends.  Sometimes it’s even useful for just getting ideas of what’s happening around the city.  My personal opinion- the dating groups are a little shady, and the suburban based groups tend to run a little “older”. The best groups are the specific interest groups- Dive Bar Group, Subculture Clan, and Board Game Groups.  But my favorite (for events and making quality friends) is Chicago Curvy Girls Fitness Group- of which I am now a co-organizer!  Posts- 1/16, 1/23, 9/23

2.)*GRUB WITH US- https://www.grubwithus.com/chicago  I love this.  Several nights a week there are dinners going on at different restaurants throughout the city.  Choose one, pay the price (apx. $20-25), go to the meal with 8-10 other really cool people and have a family style dinner of the chef’s best creations!  There are some themed dinners (singles, travelers, vegans), and a variety of restaurants (Ethiopian, Cuban, Southern).  Great way to meet new people over delicious food.  Post- 2/6

1.)* MAC ‘N’ CHEESE PRODUCTIONS-  http://macncheeseproductions.com/ This is hands down the best thing this city’s got going.  The Minglers are how I started AND ended 2012 (having gone just this weekend).  But I also attended Fear Experiment, Potluck, and a dating film and discussion event.  Mac’n'Cheese events are the ones I have not only enjoyed the most, but they are where I have met the most new girlfriends, got the best ideas of things to do for this blog, as well as the actual idea to write this blog!  Free to join.  Posts- 1/9, 2/12, 3/21, 12/17, and I’m sure there are some other random mentions and shoutouts throughout the year, but those are the major posts. 

WHERE THE BOYS ARE-

7.)    OK CUPID- http://www.okcupid.com/ I loathe online dating.  But, this one is free and I did get two dates (albeit one disaster and one “meh”) out of it without putting in any effort.   And I do have one girlfriend who’s having a decent run of luck.  It seems to be more boy heavy than most sites.  Post- 9/4

6.)    SINGLES BOWLING LEAGUE- http://www.s3leagues.com/ Personally, I didn’t like it.  It was too meat market-y. But I think a lot of people would really enjoy this.   It’s a good organization (just not for me).  They offer lots of different sports (softball, whirleyball…) and I think you have a better chance of forming a relationship with someone if you keep seeing them over and over.  Post- 11/12 

5.)    NERDS AT HEART- http://nerdsatheart.com/  Because I AM a nerd, I went to this event.  I enjoyed it because we played board games and they provided us with fun ways to interact.  However, the problem is this: Girl nerds are smart, successful, beautiful women who like to read and listen to NPR.  Boy nerds are generally unattractive and socially awkward Dungeons and Dragons players.  Post- 10/22

4.)    MINGLE AROUND- http://www.minglearound.com/ It’s free to join and they have really fantastic events year round (speed dating, matchmaking parties, game nights for singles).  I’m actually really impressed with the variety of events they have to offer.  Probably one of the best “singles” event groups around.  Personally, I’m just finding things labeled “singles” too contrived, forced, and meat market-y.  So it’s not for me, but if you like actual “singles” events- check this out.  Posts- 4/23, 5/28

3.)    MATCHMAKER- http://findingtheone4u.com/home  That’s right.  I got a matchmaker.  I like her.  She’s not for everyone.  I’ve only gotten one date this year, (well, it was supposed to be three, but they didn’t come together due to things out of her control).  So if you’re looking for quantity, go elsewhere.  If you want quality and are patient, she’s your girl.  That date was one of the best I’ve had this year.  I got a lifetime membership for like $75.  But I think that was a special deal.   Posts- 1/23, 5/28 (EDIT- 5/13 DO NOT DO THIS ONE!!!! I had a reader try this out and got NO response from the woman.  Then when I tried to get ahold of her she never responded.  She just dropped off the face of the earth!  This WAS a good one- but now I would file it under “don’t bother”)

2.)* ME SO FAR- http://www.mesofar.net/ Pure genius!  Tired of reading the same cliché, online profiles?  Then check this out.  Single guys and girls present a brief slide show to an audience of singles about “who they are”.  There’s usually a theme and some guided questions.  Not shit like “what do you do for fun?” and “what do you look for in a girl?”.  Instead, it’s interesting questions that let you really get to know someone like: “If you could learn one talent, what would it be?” “What would you tell your 20 year old self?” and “What are the last ten websites you looked at?”.  Then you mingle and meet everyone at the end.  Awesome.  I wish they were more frequent.  Post- 10/9

1.)* PROJECT FIXUP- https://www.projectfixup.com/ Love, love, love!  You make your profile and send it in.  And when the time comes, they will send an email saying it’s time for a fixup.  They will have a theme (politicos, craft beer fans, dog lovers) and if you’re interested, you send them the times and dates you’re available and THEY set you up with someone THEY think you would be compatible with.  If they don’t find a match, no charge, maybe next time.   If they do- you pay $15 for the service and go on the date.  This was my other best date of the whole year.  I just wish the fixups were not so far apart!  Post- 7/16

THE “FINE” ARTS-

5.)    PAINT AND PAINTS- http://www.hydeparkart.org/   Hyde Park has a fantastic art center with all kinds of fabulous classes.  You get to drink while creating art- I think it costs like $10 (plus the cocktail).  I also went to their clay and cocktails event.  But the events are sporadic so keep an eye out.  Post- 5/14

4.)    THE RAPID PULSE- http://rapidpulsechicago.com/  This is not for everyone.  You gotta be a bit of a pretentious snob with a sense of humor for this one.  During the summer, there is a celebration of performance art.  Most people I know, HATE performance art.  I understand that.  But if you can just take it for what it is- people doing REALLY absurd things in the name of art, then you might just get a kick out of it.  It’s a trip, for sure.  Post- 6/10

3.)    PILSEN’S SECOND FRIDAY’S ART WALK- http://chicagoist.com/2012/04/01/chicago_art_walk_guide.php  There are art walks all over the city and I believe most of them are free!  I found out about this one through Meetup and went to some very cool, edgy galleries with some nice people.  Post- 1/16

2.)    JAZZIN’ AT THE SHEDD- http://www.sheddaquarium.org/jazzin.html The Shedd has always been my least favorite museum.  I just don’t find fish all that interesting.  I mean, be a zoo or be a museum, Shedd!  BUT Jazzin’ at the Shedd is reasonably priced (to get in- the food and drinks are mad money!), and it’s more fun to look at fish when it’s an evening event and there’s jazz and food and drinks.  But the best was going out to the veranda and seeing the skyline at night, dancing, drinking, and listening to live music.  Post- 9/4

1.)     MCA FIRST FRIDAYS- http://www.mcachicago.org/programs/now/events  For about $20, every first Friday, you can go to the Museum of Contemporary Art and participate in some fun, artsy activities, have snacks and cocktails, and cruise the galleries and look at some amazing art.  I went on 80’s night and they crimped my hair and did my makeup (blue eye shadow!)  It’s a hot scene and all the beautiful trendy people are there.  Post- 5/7

ALL SHE WANTS TO DO IS DANCE-

5.)    HUBBARD STREET DANCE-  http://www.hubbardstreetdance.com/loucontedancestudio Who knew the well-renowned Hubbard Street offered classes to clumsy non-dancers like me?  My Curvy Girl Meetup Group knew!  I have been taking some Bollywood classes there!  They’re great workouts, you learn a new dance style, and they’re reasonably priced.  Post- 9/23

4.)    WILLOWBROOK BALLROOM- http://www.willowbrookballroom.com/  Located in the south suburbs, this ballroom has been around since the 1920’s, and it still has that feel.  During the week, and on weekends, for between $10-25, they have dance events that range from swing, country western, and salsa.  There’s usually a dance lesson for an hour and then the event.  Post- 3/12

3.) DANCE DANCE PARTY PARTY!- http://ddppchicago.wordpress.com/  This was the surprise of the year!  In a small dance studio, for $5, on Sunday and Wednesday, a group of girls come together (no boys, no booze, no judgments) and turn down the lights, turn up the music and just dance for an hour.  It was fun, liberating, and a great workout.  Post- 4/3

2.)* OLD TOWN SCHOOL OF FOLK MUSIC- https://www.oldtownschool.org/ Although I went there for a world music/dancing event, the range of events and classes they have there absolutely blew my mind!  They have music, dance, and theatre classes.  And so many concerts and different styles of music almost every night!  One of my top finds this year.  You gotta go.  Post- 11/26

1.)* SUMMER DANCE- http://www.explorechicago.org/city/en/things_see_do/event_landing/special_events/dca_tourism/Chicago_SummerDance.html  I count down the days til this comes around every year!!!! This is my favorite thing in the world.  Every Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sun in Grant Park, a dance style is featured.  Like Willowbrook, there is a lesson for an hour and then there is live music for the next few hours where you can show off your moves.  Here is why I love it- it’s so diverse.  It’s not as though it’s just swing and salsa, I learned African Dance , Bhangra,  Klezmer, and Zydeco.  They have belly dancing, step, fox trot, and dances I’ve never heard of.  I also love it cuz it’s free.  Post- 9/10

LET’S GET PHYSICAL-

5.)    DART LEAGUE- http://southsidedartleague.org/ What can I say, It’s fun to throw pointy steel objects while drinking beer.  Post- 11/12

4.)    BEACH BOOT CAMP- http://rocksolidhealth.net/  No one likes to work out (unless they’re nuts).  But you know what makes working out awesome?  When you do it on the beach in perfect weather while watching the sun rise.  It was a little pricey to do and parking in that area sucked, but Blair is worth it.  I would do bootcamp for an hour and then yoga.  I felt so strong and healthy.  Post- 7/9

3.)    BEER ‘N’ BIKES- http://www.goteampete.com/bike-tours  Pete is the fiancé of Saya of my fave Mac’n’Cheese Productions.  So naturally, this event was going to rock.  We biked to different breweries throughout the city and learned about (and drank) beer.  And shout out to my new favorite beer- 4 Paws.  Post- 4/10

2.)    DIRTY GIRL MUD RACE- http://www.godirtygirl.com/ This is a ladies only obstacle course.  And it’s about girls getting together, having fun, and being healthy, it’s NOT a race.  It IS a 3 mile journey of crawling through mud, climbing over walls, and jumping through tires.  I might of messed up my knee for weeks, but I did it, I loved it, and I was a muddy, sweaty, mess! Post- 8/27

1.)     GEOCACHING- http://www.geocaching.com/ This is awesome, free and a real adventure that you can do anywhere.  Using your GPS system, you go find a hidden treasure in a secret place.  It can range from easy to hard.  We ended up under an expressway, in a riverbank, a golf course, climbing trees, and trudging through mud all to find a box with a couple plastic  toys.  We didn’t care, it was a hilarious old school scavenger hunt and a really great way to enjoy and explore nature. Post- 8/20

LET’S LOOK, LISTEN, AND LEARN!-

5.) THE PAPER MACHETE-  http://thepapermacheteshow.com/ you can go to the Horseshoe on Saturday Afternoon and watch this live, entertaining broadcast of a radio show for free!  There’s a live local band and a variety of entertainers who comment humorously or profoundly on that week’s news worthy events.  Post- 8/6 

4.) DISCOVERY CENTER- http://www.discoverycenter.cc/  This place on the north side offers classes in everything in the world!  I’ve taken fencing, burlesque, poker, and canoeing.  They’re reasonably priced, but they’re not the most high quality classes in the world- I think they sacrifice quality for quantity of classes.  Post- 4/16 

3.)STORY NIGHT- http://www.uncommonground.com/ Uncommon Ground is a fabulous restaurant with tasty food that you can enjoy while listening to people tell stories.  The performers are heartwarming, funny, true, creative and overall entertaining. And I do love a good story.  Post- 8/6

2.)    IGNITE CHICAGO- http://www.ignitechi.org/  Yet another thing indirectly related to Mac’n’Cheese, and directly related to Team Pete of Beer and Bikes.  ANYONE who has ANYTHING that they are passionate about can get up on stage and talk about whatever they want for five minutes, while presenting a related slide show.  It can be serious, informative, funny, personal, or whatever.  I learned so much about so many different things.  It was truly the meeting place of some of the brightest and best of Chicago.  Post- 6/25

1.)* DABBLE- https://dabble.co/ Want to learn something new and interesting, but you don’t want to commit for 6 weeks or pay a lot of money?  This is the best thing ever!  Nearly every night of the week a class is offered for like $25 (more or less).  The classes range from pottery, woodworking, beer brewing, business startups, etc.  I went to a healthy eating one, clay jewelry, and yes- glass blowing!!!! Best idea ever.  Please check this out.  Post- 9/17

FESTIVALS AND FAIRS!!!!

I’m not going to spend a lot of time talking about these because we ALL know what goes on at summer street fests, state, and county fairs.  But I want to list them for you anyway, because even though they’re kind of all the same and have the same ingredients, it’s because those ingredients make up a recipe of delicious fun!

10.) MILWAUKEE STREET ARTS FESTIVAL- http://www.milwaukeeavenueartsfestival.org/ Decent art festival in Logan Square.  Post- 7/23

9.)    INTERNATIONAL WORLD FEST- http://www.visitlonggrove.com/event/long-grove-international-worlds-tour/ Long Grove village is this quaint little olde time-y village, and over Labor Day weekend they celebrated world cultures with food and music (read: European culture).  Post- 9/10

8.)    IRISH FEST- http://irish-american.org/ North West side of the city.  All things Irish, all year round.  Much food and drink, dance, music, theatre, and culture.  Post- 7/31

7.)IRISH FEST – http://www.chicagogaelicpark.org/ Yes, I went to two Irish Fests. This one was in the South Suburbs, also all things Irish, all year round.  Post- 6/4

6.) TASTE OF RANDOLPH- http://chicago.metromix.com/events/mmxchi-taste-of-randolph-street-event-3  Ridiculously expensive, outrageously crowded.  But the tastiest food and awesome bands.  Post- 6/18

5.) TASTE OF ORLAND PARK- http://www.orland-park.il.us/index.aspx?NID=919 This was the shocker festival of my summer.  Out in the south suburbs I found this fest.  Friends, unlike Chicago fests, I had like four things to eat and ohhhh 10 drinks for like $30!! And parking was free.  And the music was great.  If you want to do the “food festival” thing this is tasty, cheap, and not overly crowded.  It’s worth the trip.  Post- 8/6

4.) RAVINIA- http://www.ravinia.org/ THE music fest of the summer.  Always buy lawn seats (for like $15), bring (alcoholic) drinks and lots of picnic food. You can go for the big shows (I’ve seen Hall and Oates, Blondie, and Pat Benatar) or listen to the Chicago Symphony Orchestra (I heard Tchaikovsky this summer).  It’s a little far (Highland Park) but the perfect thing to do on a Sunday afternoon or Friday or Saturday night with a group of your friends.  Post- 7/31

3.) PIEROGI FEST- http://pierogifest.net/ This is a wacky fest!  There’s every kind of pierogi you can imagine, and because it’s in Whiting, Indiana it’s pretty cheap.  But since it’s the only thing happening out there it also gets insanely crowded.  It is the campiest, kitschiest fest I’ve ever been to- with the most hilarious parade ever.  And lots of polkaing!  Post- 7/31

2.) LAKE COUNTY FAIR- http://www.lake-county-fair.com/ Pretty much the same as the Wisconsin State Fair, only on a smaller scale and cheaper.  Oh, this is Lake County Indiana.  I saw pigs race, petted bunnies, ate fried cookie dough but passed on the fried bubble gum. Post- 8/13

1.) WISCONSIN STATE FAIR- http://www.wistatefair.com/ My brother and I are bonkers for state fairs!  Like Pierogi Fest, state fairs are the essence of all things campy and kitschy and fried.  We saw diving dogs, a cream puff eating contest, blue ribbon winners of animals, flowers, and food.  We ate fried beer and fried stuffing.  Awesome.  Post- 8/13

OUTRAGEOUS AND UNIQUE EVENTS-

11.) CHIDITIROD-  http://www.chiditarod.org/  I actually really loved the event itself.  It raises money and food for food banks.  People get dressed up in outrageous costumes and race through the city with extravagantly decked out shopping carts.  Sabotage and silly behavior is encouraged.  I volunteered and was unhappy with the lack of organization.  I would not volunteer again, but the event itself is a must see.  Post- 3/7

10.)A CHRISTMAS STORY FEST/THE DILLINGER MUSEUM- http://www.southshorecva.com/about-south-shore/indiana-welcome-center/ I’m not sure it would be worth driving to Hammond for ONE of these things, but the combination of Christmas with a gangster was just so wrong that it was right.  Post- 12-10

9.)HAUNTED HOUSE- http://www.reapersrealm.com/ When’s the last time you got REALLY scared?  There are some good haunted houses around.  I mean, crazy scary.  Yes, the prices and lines are scary too, but Halloween is once a year!  We went to Reapers Realm which was great but my connesseuir brother said you should all go to Dungeon of Doom, Basement of the Dead, and Statesville prison.  Post- 10/30  

8.)ZOMBIE PUB CRAWL- http://chicagozombie.com/past-events/4th-annual-andersonville-zombie-pub-crawl-april-30/ Let’s face it, for some weird reason, zombies are trendy and there are zombie events ALL THE TIME.  I chose this one.  There were hundreds of zombies walking around- and drinking heavily- all over Andersonville!  And shockingly, I got hit on like crazy looking completely grotesque. Either I make a hot dead woman, or dudes were just uber wasted.  Post- 4/30

7.)EL CIRCO CHEAPO- http://www.elcircocheapo.com/ In a loft on the west side, there is a place where circus performers test out new acts on an audience that pays very little for tickets to the fantastic show.  Be sure to buy floor tickets!  Because like Ravinia, the cheaper seats are actually the best seats.  Also feel free to bring booze and snacks as you watch performers fly through the air.  Post- 12/3

6.)SCAVENGER HUNT- http://www.watsonadventures.com/public/location/chicago/ I was actually pretty impressed.  This place has themed scavenger hunts in cool places all over the city.  We went to the zoo and found clues and took wacky photos.  And it was only like $20.  Post- 10/15

5.) HORSE RACES- http://www.balmoralpark.com/index.cfm  Somewhere between Indiana and the South Suburbs, you will find Balmoral Park.  It costs NOTHING.  In fact, I actually won $30!  You don’t need to know a damn thing, and you can make bets for as low as $1.  It’s great to do with friends.  You can drink, snack, catch up, and every 15 minutes you can place a bet and watch a horse race.  I really liked this a lot.  It’s a pleasant, cheap, easy, fun afternoon.  Post- 6/18

4.)CIRCUS CLASS- http://www.actorsgymnasium.com/ I learned how to walk on a ball, ride a unicycle, fly on a trapeze, and walk on a tightrope.  Kind of.  I actually slunk shamefully away after injuring two teachers and my pride.  But it’s still super cool.  And it’s in Evanston (read: expensive).  Post- 4/16

3.)*    SEXY SPOOKY TOURS- http://www.weirdchicago.com/  I’ve actually been on a few of their tours.  I learned tons about Chicago history, got to drink on a bus, and went to a dominatrix’s house.  They have sex tours, ghost tours, gangster tours…..Awesome.  Posts- 4/23, 10/30

2.)*KINGS SPA- http://www.kingspa.com/ This place was nuts!  It’s in Niles, open 24/7, and you can go for pretty cheap (or expensive if you do the add ons).  There are three pools and a sauna you get naked in.  Then in the co-ed (non-naked) portion there’s all these rooms (salt, gold, amethyst, ice, etc.) and you just go sit and relax in them.  You can eat in their Korean cafeteria, play games, lounge in their beds, or go to the movie theatre.  It was a trip! A very unique experience.  Post- 11/19

1.)*HOUSE ON THE ROCK- http://www.thehouseontherock.com/HOTR_AttractionMain.htm This is a road trip (about 3 hours to Spring Green, WI), but it is the most weird and wild place you can imagine!  It’s a bizarre house, built on a rock.  But after you tour the house you begin going through this wacky maze-like museum that takes hours to go through and includes a life sized whale, suits of armor, dollhouses, streets of yesterday, and carousels with creepy dolls.  My favorite part- rooms filled with instruments that, for a few tokens, will play themselves!  It’s so crazy!  Post- 7/2

THE “DON’T BOTHER” CATEGORY-

8.)GALOS SALT CAVES- http://www.galoscaves.com/  I had to check out these salt caves on the northwest side of the city.  They’re attached to the back of a restaurant and for a small fee you can sit in them and soak up their mystical powers.  I didn’t feel any different.  I just felt embarrassed when I fell over some people and got bored after 10 minutes and began to play with the salt and eat it- just to make sure it was real.  Post- 7/23

7.) Nia- http://soulisticstudiospa.com/index.html Yeah, it was weird hippy dancing where the teacher told us to skip around the room and say “Hi, my name is____ and I love to skip!” and then sit on the floor and just laugh maniacally.  Caveat- I was told she is not the regular instructor and it is not normally so weird and I should try it again.  It did seem to have potential…. Post- 10/8

6.) HOW ABOUT WE- http://www.howaboutwe.com/ Great idea: a cheap dating site where someone suggests a cool idea (like “let’s go to the top of the John Hancock for a cocktail” or “let’s go to zoo lights”) and if you’re interested, you email the guy/girl and get to know them by doing the suggested date instead of scrolling through endless profiles.  The problem is, a lot of people don’t get the concept and I didn’t get a single date out of it.  But, that’s my experience.  I think as far as dating sites go, conceptually, it’s one of the better ones if you like online dating.  Post- 2/21

5.) SERBIAN FEST- http://www.stelijahhall.com/serbfest.php It sounded like the most interesting fest until we walked into the church basement where there was one craft table, one food booth, an accordion player, and like 20 Serbians looking at us like “WTF are you doing here?” Post- 7/31

4.) LOOKING FOR LOVE DATING GAME- http://www.chicagostagereview.com/?tag=collaboraction  I didn’t get it.  It was supposed to be a live dating game show.  Sounds awesome, right?  The hostesses were WASTED, there was this unfunny female comedienne who got into a fight with an audience member, one of the participants didn’t show up, and the game was just nonsensical chaos.  Almost so bad it was good.  But not quite.  Post- 3/27

3.)SPEED DATING- http://www.hurrydate.com/ I think the speed dating fad is so five years ago.  I signed up for the event FOUR different times.  Cancelled every time due to lack of interest.  Once, me and four girls showed up and NO boys came.  Finally, when one DID happen, it was seven girls and four boys- all of the guys were the most socially inept morons ever!  It was so painful.  I didn’t chose anyone, I ran away as soon as it ended.  Granted, they DID give me a free pass to an event every time one got cancelled, but why would I want to go to an event no one’s at?!?! Post-6/25

2.) EIGHT AT EIGHT – http://www.8at8.com/   Great idea: 4 guys, 4 girls go to dinner and see what happens.  Here’s the problem: it’s like $500 for five dinners!  And you still have to pay for your meal!  Here’s the scam: if they don’t match you for a dinner, they’re supposed to extend your membership by a month.  Guess what, I had to contact them THREE times to say “you forgot to extend my membership”.  You gotta watch these guys or you’ll lose your overpriced dinners.  I had nice dinners- with the girls that went.  The boys?  I gave my number out to several guys and the only one I got a date from was a total douchbag that kept trying to ply me with drinks and touch my boobies ( see 5/28).  But who can blame him?  Posts- 1/30, 7/23, and periodically throughout the year.  

1.)  LOCATION BASED DATING- http://www.skout.com/ Ewww!  Ewww!  Gross!  Nasty!  It’s supposed to be a way for people to text each other (using this phone app) and be like “Hi!  I’m down the street from you, wanna meet in the coffee shop down the street?” But instead, every night my phone started blowing up around 10pm with dudes asking me what I was up to.  It should be called Location Based Booty Call.  I even engaged a couple guys in an attempt to try it out and they harassed me for weeks after I stopped talking to them.  And I stopped when after exchanging a few texts they started with the whole “Mmmmm.  You’re going to bed, can I cum?”  Really?  After three texts?  Come on, woo me a little.  Post- 10/2

OTHER INTERESTING FACTS AND STATS-

I went to 61 events.

Got 2 speaking engagements out of the blog

I made several new girlfriends and we went to many blog related events together.  I also rekindled some old girlfriend relationships.

I went on 7 dates (two good, three horrific, and two “meh”) and rekindled things with the “dark horse”.

The weirdest things that people searched and were led to my blog: “Serial killer Chicago meat grinder” and “Guinea pig licking sexy girl”.  He must have been so disappointed to see that it was just Chicago’s Social Guinea licking the wall of the Galos Salt Cave instead of bestiality.

According to that “stat monkey” thing, I got 4,200 views in 2012!!!! Thank you everyone- friends and strangers, followers and one time visitors for spending the year with me.  And thank you for giving me a reason to go out and be Chicago’s Social Guinea Pig.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 4,200 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 7 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

It’s true friends- I may have coined the name for myself, but the actual title should probably go to someone else…. (Head’s up, sorry the photos are a little weak, dark and small)

My “policy” when I started this blog was to do something different, new, and interesting every week- and I have!  But my faithful readers who have been following me since day one know that I have a few things that, despite my best efforts, that I often fall back on because they are my most favorites.   Those things might include: doing things with GPiT (my sidekick- Guinea Pig in Training), dancing any place, with anyone, at any time and in any style (badly), various festivals and fairs, and attending anything put on by www.macncheeseproductions.com . 

My very first blog post ever was about my experience at a Mac’n’Cheese Mingler (Recap: a Mingler is a party where everyone must come by themself!).  You know why?  Because it was the founder of Mac’n’Cheese- Saya Hillman- who suggested I start writing a blog about all the different things I do.  And I thought “hmmm.  I LOVE to tell stories about myself!  Why just limit my lucky friends to my fabulous stories?  I want total strangers to read about me and my adventures too! ” (Because I’m just a little self-involved, haha)  And sure enough, this blog has driven me to be creative, think outside the box, and push myself to have a new escapade every week.  So, I thought a good way to thank her for the encouragement and the idea, would be to come full circle and end (well, almost end) my year with blogging about another of her brilliant events.   

Fear Experiment (FE):  I know I’ve mentioned it in the past, but FE is probably the most genius of Saya’s events.  The premise is, like the Minglers, people sign up for this event- alone.  But unlike the Mingler, it’s not a one night only party; it’s a several month commitment.  Strangers come together to learn something new that they’ve never done and always wanted to, or that they have done but are bad at.  These somethings can include: improv, dancing, singing, and even Spanish.  And here’s where the “Fear” part comes in: they actually show off their new skills on stage at the Park West http://www.jamusa.com/Venues/ParkWest/VenueDetails.aspx   in front of a sold out audience of around 700!  That’s intense, right?!?  Well, that is the interesting event I went to this weekend.

Stepping is NOT Irish Step Dancing:  Not only did Saya create FE, but she practices what she preaches and confronts her own fears by participating every year!  This year she and 19 others learned how to Step.  In my last blog, I expressed my excitement about going to see some Step Dancing, imagining a bunch of novices busting out some Michael Flatley-esque moves.  But I was wrong.  It was Stepping- as in that very cool, urban, badass dancing that might be similar to dancing you would see in a movie like Step Up Revolution (I’m assuming- I didn’t actually see it.  I’m not 12.), or like in that musical Stomp.  While I was a little bummed because I thought the Irish version would be ridiculous and hilarious, THIS kind of Step is much more relevant and carries way more street cred.  I promised Saya I would not blog about her Stepping skills, (so I guess I can’t say she was awesome.  Too bad for her.) but I did not promise I would not blog about others! 

Let me tell you, they blew it up!   I was super impressed!  They were totally in sync, and they had mad skills!  But more importantly- they had major, major SWAG!  I loved watching them because you didn’t even notice any screw-ups; you only saw that they came on stage with some serious ‘tude (that’s short for ”attitude” you know) and they were having a blast.  It’s funny; a girl I’ve met a few times was a participant.   I like her very much, she’s super nice and sweet, and a little reserved- it seemed.  Friends, this girl came on stage and she turned into this tough, sexy, badass step dancer- she was totally uninhibited.  They all were.  It was a blast to watch.  For a group of people who never stepped before and were scared to perform- you never would have known it.  They looked like pros.  And while their skills were impressive after just a few months of classes, more impressive was their joy, confidence, and badass swag!    

Show Stealers:  I think what made me appreciate the show all the more was that at the start of the show, several of the participants came out and read excerpts of why they signed up for this crazy gig.  Realizing what drives people to do this makes you gain a greater appreciation for their hard work and develop a more personal attachment to each and every one of them.  Some reasons were funny, some were heart-warming or bold, and some were incredibly awe-inspiring.  One of these was a Step participant who was born deaf.  In the interest of making FE more accessible, interpreters were brought in to sign during the singing/speaking parts of the show.  I LOVED watching them.  Not only did they sign the speaking parts, but they signed the pop songs that were being played between acts!  I have never seen anything more entertaining and impressive than watching someone sign Kris Kross’s “Jump” and Will Smith’s “Gettin’ Jiggy With It”.  That alone was worth the price of admission. 

Aca-swell-a:  That was my clever attempt at introducing the A Capella part of the show.  Yeah, that’s the best I could come up with.  Anyway, I am not even going to pretend that I’m not biased.  I love dancing more than singing.  Nonetheless,   the A Capella singers were also fantastic.   I think it’s even scarier to sing than dance because it seems you can fake a dance move if necessary- but hit a sour note….there’s no masking that!  They did some old songs, new songs, and even incorporated some Glee-like dance moves into the act.    There were even a few solo spots.  Singing in a group is one thing, but then to sing a solo?  Yikes!  But you know what?  Every single one of those ladies stepped up and belted that shit out like they were Mariah Carey.  Hell yeah.  Good for them.  Did they all sound like her?  No, but that’s why it’s FEAR Experiment.  It’s bold.  I respect that.  I mean, it’s not scary to get on stage if you sound like Barbara Streisand. 

Hola!:  As I was reading my program, I saw that there was the “Spanish Experiment”.  I was confused.  Who wants to watch people speak Spanish?  Not me.  Or so I thought…. The alumni of former FE’s   came together to learn Spanish, and then they performed it in the style of some over-the-top, scandalous, ridiculous Telanovela.  Surprisingly, it was actually completely engaging and super funny.  I was impressed.  Not only was their Spanish pretty damn good, but their acting was so fabulously exaggerated, that I knew exactly what was going on in the story! 

Yes, there’s more:  Apparently this isn’t just all fun and games.  There’s some altruism and social justice thrown in there as well.  FE collaborated with Inspiration Corporation which is an amazing place where homeless men and women can come together for food, employment, and what is essentially a basic job skills readiness program.  Some of the participants of IC joined with participants of FE and did what I would call some spoken word poetry about fear that was pretty deep and changed the feel of the show from some funny lark to a deeper appreciation of just what it means to confront your fears and step out of your comfort zone. Also in that vein, there were two girls who were breakout stars of the evening, doing a cooking skit that was one big, fat, clever analogy on how to make a recipe of conquering fear.  Good stuff.

Rating:  5/5 Duh. I loved it so much that I think I might have to sign up for it myself next year!  If that happens, I will certainly invite all of you to watch me bust a move and possibly bust my neck!

As you can see, creating and orchestrating an event like this takes crazy work and imagination.  That’s why I want to give this “shout-out” to Saya.   Yeah,  I might “do” fun, interesting things; but she actually creates them.  She has devoted the past several years to not only bringing people together for networking, romance, or friendship; but the entire concept of Mac’n’Cheese Productions is to inspire people to shove their face full of life- just eat it up, and to get out there and do it- whatever “it” might be.  Most of the time after I go to whatever thing I’ve chosen for the blog I leave thinking, “oh, that was fun”.  But the reason that I put Saya and Mac’n’Cheese Productions on some insanely high pedestal is because whenever I attend any of her events, I feel ready to burst with excitement and joy.  They energize me to my soul.  And that’s because not only are the events themselves fun, but because the type of people that are attracted to what Mac’n’Cheese has going on are, without a doubt, the most positive, imaginative, smart, friendly, and generally on the cutting edge of all that is new and interesting in the city of Chicago.  I have gotten my best ideas and met the most amazing people every time I go to any of her events. 

Oops.  This has become my longest post yet!  But that show was just so damn rich with material!   I’ll just stop now.  But I will end with this- I have spent the past year exploring every unique event I can find.  Some have sucked, and many were awesome.  But if I someone ever said to me “Guinea Pig, pick the one thing in all of Chicago that is your absolute favorite- what’s the best thing this city’s got goin’?”  I would pick Mac’n’Cheese Productions.  Thank you Saya for always inspiring me- and well, damn near all of Chicago.  When you get time, you oughta take this thing global!

Hello friends and readers!  Happy holiday season.  As you may or may not recall, in honor of the holiday, I went to the A Christmas Story Festival out in Hammond, Indiana. http://www.southshorecva.com/achristmasstory/the-exhibit/

You’ll shoot your eye out!: You’ve all seen this movie, yes?  If not, you should go watch it right now so that you can have a better appreciation of my blog post- and also because it’s the BEST holiday movie out there!  Don’t worry, every year either TBS or TNT will play it for 24 hours straight.  You can’t miss it.  And my brother and I never have.  Every year, for as long as I can remember, my brother and I have watched this movie for Christmas.  Naturally, he was the person I went with.  We also dragged his poor wife along who does NOT understand our bizarro attachment to this movie. 

When I read about it online, it sounded like the best event ever!  There were contests, movie themed relay races, a “mommy’s little piggy” mashed potato eating contest, screenings of the movie, a scavenger hunt, dog photos with Santa, and a replica of the big Santa slide from the movie where you can visit him and tell him how you desperately want an official Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle.  But then it dawned on me, because it was at the Indiana Welcome Center, it probably was actually going to be smaller than I anticipated, and all those super cool, and fun things would probably be on the weekends.  I was right. 

Nonetheless, it was a good time.  I mean, the Indiana Welcome Center alone is worth the trip!  Check out this wackadoo architecture: you can see that they LITERALLY show that Indiana is the home of steel, sand dunes, and agriculture IN the shape of the building! (actually, you can really only see the agriculture and steel part in this picture)  It’s beautiful, and ridiculous- just like the ugly lamp contest, which was the first thing we saw when we walked in.  Some were made ugly for the contest and some were just born that way.  We examined them closely and voted for the best.  Then we went and checked out the displays.  There was the Macy’s window, Flick sticking his tongue to the flag pole, the displaying of the leg lamp, Ralphie’s visit to Santa, the Bumpus’s dogs eating the turkey, and the Parker’s front room.   Although there were only six, they looked like they were right out of the movie.  Then we voted on the best tree.  We ended up in the gift shop- which had every cool, campy, kitschy collectible you could possibly imagine that was related to the movie!  And then, since there were no events because we were there on a Friday morning, we were, well, done.  Hmmm.  That was a long drive for a thirty minute exhibit.  But the Indiana Welcome Center did not let us down! 

I got to pretend to execute a man!:  Did you readers know that there is a John Dillinger Museum IN the welcome center?  http://www.dillingermuseum.com/index.html   Well, after celebrating a heartwarming family movie and the joys of the Christmas season, we bought tickets for the violent gangster bank robber museum!  (only $4)  And the first thing you got to do as you entered the museum is pretend to be an executioner! You press a button, and a dark room lights up so you can see a man in an electric chair as you pretend to fry him.  Weird.  Incidentally, my sister-in-law is from Taiwan and has only been in America for a year.  I wonder what she must have thought of this, she must find us morbid…. (Although when I went her country, we went to Toilet Restaurant and I was served chocolate ice cream in a dish shaped like a toilet bowl, so maybe we’re not so weird after all.)  Anyway, the museum- for a small thing in the visitor’s center- was actually a pleasant surprise!  It was really well put together, informative, and interactive.  You can see my sister-in-law and me in the pretend jail cell.  You can try on a bullet proof vest, get your fingerprints, and look at human blood in a microscope!  It was fun.  And we learned about all the bank robbers of the day: Baby Face Nelson, Ma Barker, and Bonnie and Clyde.  Right, I know that era’s a little overplayed and tired, but you know why?  Because the Roaring Twenties are fucking awesome and endlessly fascinating- especially here in Chicago (and even Hammond).   And look, you can see a photo of the display of Dillinger after he got gunned down in the alley of the Biograph.  And the death mask?  That’s Dillinger’s actual mask.  Pretty cool, huh?  Not bad for Northwest Indiana. 

And by the way, I was clearly feeling a little “gangsta” myself in that museum because you are totally NOT supposed to take photos in there and I could get into super duper trouble for posting these!  I’m so crazy!

After that we stopped for lunch at Schoops which was like a fifties diner with tasty burgers and shakes and jukeboxes in your booth that weren’t just decoration- they actually played your song for a quarter!  It was a perfect end to the day.

Rating: 3/5. Yeah, this event was clearly a little disappointing, a bit of a bust to be honest.   If you like the movie it’s cute to see.  Or if you really like gangsters, the Dillinger Museum is worth a visit.  But they were both pretty small things, so if you’re in the area it’s DEFINITELY worth stopping to see.  But I wouldn’t leave Chicago just for that.  I think I would’ve been really disappointed had it just been the Christmas Story exhibit and I went by myself.  But also having the Dillinger Museum, Schoops, and awesome company made it a pretty good day. 

I guess not every week can be genius.  Don’t worry, I’ll make up for it next week when I will be blogging about Fear Experiment  http://macncheeseproductions.com/fear-experiment The show is Saturday and I believe there might still be tickets?  My girl Saya will be making her Irish Dancing debut if I recall correctly.  I also recall that I am not to critique her dancing on my blog- which means that you will all have to go witness that fabulousness for yourself

Hello everyone! Who’s looking for something cheap and fun to do on a Saturday night besides going out to dinner?!?! Oh, you are, you say? Well, let me tell you about this new unique thing you can go to on the first Saturday of the month….

El Circo Cheapo Cabaret: http://www.elcircocheapo.com/ OK, correction first. El Circo is not new at all- I meant it was new to me and this blog. Last night they celebrated their five year anniversary! And what a celebration it was!  As I mentioned, it’s the first Saturday of the month (which admittedly kind of sucks because I personally find that I am forever forgetting about things that are only on specific days). There is a family friendly show at 7 and an adult show at 10. I THOUGHT I bought the tickets to the late night big girl show, but apparently, I did not. No biggie. And from what I understand, the way El Circo works is that it serves as a place for performers who are locals trying to break into the industry, or seasoned vets (local and international) who are working on new, cutting edge, unconventional acts, and are looking for a place to test them out.

So I drove to Carroll Street which is on the west side, near United Center. And you can see here that it’s in what looks like an alley. You go up three flights of stairs and twist and turn down some hallways until you arrive in a perfectly ordinary and rather sparse loft with some seats, a few floor mats, random pieces of circus-y equipment and a lone accordion player. Very simple. I sat down in my $15 seat and waited for the show to begin. This is the first tip I will give you: If you go, do NOT buy the chair seats! Apparently, it’s like Ravinia, where the cheap seats are better. For $10 you can sit on the floor in the very front. Also, like Ravinia, you can bring booze and snacks!!! There were about 100 people there. Admittedly, most were twenty-something hipsters, but there were some older couples and families with kids there as well.

The show started with two ringmaster/hostesses. Oh man, I hate to talk smack- even though my scathing reviews seem to be way more entertaining- but they were NOT funny! So not funny, that I was seething with anger at their non-funniness. To be fair, I frequently am unimpressed with hosts at events. Anyway, the first act finally started, and I was amazed. Let me interject right here- I, more than most, have a profound appreciation for circus performers. For those of you who have been reading my blog all year, you may recall my post in April (16th, I think) called Send in the Clown when I reviewed my mortifying experience at the Actors Gymnasium http://www.actorsgymnasium.com/ where I took a circus arts class. In short, I did not learn how to walk a tightrope or fly on the trapeze. No, I was the clown- but not on purpose. I made an ass of myself over and over again and after injuring BOTH teachers, thought it might be best if I bow out with a shred of dignity. Now, back to the present day….

The first act was a woman on a tightrope. I don’t know if you can tell in the picture (many of the pictures are a little weak, I apologize, but these performers move FAST!) this bitch is walking the tightrope in high heels!!! Friends, I cannot walk down the side walk in heels, much less on a wire. Wow! And then it gets crazier- in the second picture, she puts on toe shoes- like the ballet slippers- and walks across the tightrope on her TIP TOES!

Then there was a boy who did a sort of juggling act. He seemed nervous, but he was still good. Next, there was a girl doing impressive acrobatics on a rope. After that was the woman who had started Aloft (which I believe could possibly be the company many of the performers come from). You could tell that she was born to do this. She looked like some strong, proud warrior. And her performance was a work of graceful artistry. She did an act where she spun herself around in a giant hoop.

 

Then there were more hoops- hula hoops! This adorable girl did an exciting act spinning I don’t even know how many hula hoops all over her body.

 

Then there was a girl on the silks. She was the absolute epitome of beauty and elegance. I loved her. What I did not love is that those hostesses did “banter” after every single act. Grrrr. They were so bad! Boo. Next there was this hilarious guy with the wacky outfit, 1800’s curly mustache, and an olde-timey bike who did some very cool bike tricks. The stunts were good, but his on-stage persona was what really made him a joy to watch. He was a hilariously animated character. Then there was another juggler guy. I wasn’t feelin’ him at all to be honest.

But then there was an amazing trapeze artist- check out those sweet shots I was able to get of her. And the grand finally was another woman who was doing acrobatics on a giant wheel (similar, but different from the woman in a hoop earlier in the show).

 

I would really like to check out the adult show next time- it’s probably way edgier. I bet the hostesses are funnier when they don’t have to be so family friendly. Plus I know they occasionally throw in some modern day “freakshow” kinds of things too. And you can actually go every single month because it’s always different acts.

And because I heart my soapboxes….: Those of you who know me know that I can rarely just “enjoy” anything for what it is. I always have to analyze stuff to the point where it is no longer fun. Here it is: as hyper, uber feminist, I felt such a great sense of “you go girl!” at this event. When one thinks of feats of physical strength, we still often think about men. This show was almost ALL ladies showing off the human body in its most amazing form. The only male acts were the two jugglers and the funny bike guy. These women could break a dude in half. They were strong, powerful, graceful, and beautiful. I felt a little ashamed that I personally had gotten winded walking up the three flights of stairs. Whatever, they can represent physical strength on my behalf. I’ll stick to writing.

Rating: 4.75/5 Like I said at the beginning, it’s a good, cheap and unique night out. Everyone should check it out at least once. But I’d say go to the adult show at 10; buy the floor seats, and BYOB.

Oh, one of the cool things about underground events like these is that I find out about more cool stuff that I need to put on my “to do” list. Because I will be working next weekend and attending A Christmas Story Festival www.achristmasstorycomeshome.com  I don’t know if I’ll get to go to these other things, but I will certainly try. And as always, just because I can’t go, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t: The All I Want For Christmas Burlesque Spectacular on Dec. 7th & 8th, www.michellelamour.com  (I love burlesque! I think it is so smart and sexy. Chicago has TONS of it) OR if you want your naked women a little more refined, check out Naked Girls Reading A Christmas Carol on Dec. 14th at the historic and infamous Everleigh Club (formerly a high class brothel back in the day as I learned on my “Sexy Bus” tour, thank you). www.nakedgirlsreading.com . And from what I understand, this is no gimmick- they are naked, and they are reading. I’m curious to check out both or either of these. Any takers?

You know friends, I was wondering the other day why I seemed to be struggling lately with places to go and time to go to them.  Could I possibly be running out of ideas?!? Am I getting lazy??!  And then I realized that, that wasn’t happening at all- I was running out of time!  A happy thing that has happened through the course of the year due to the blog, is that I’ve been finding new people, new events,  and new places that I really like, and I like to go more than just the once for blogging purposes.   I’m kind of excited to just really enjoy these great finds- and I just found a new place that I now want to go to ALL THE TIME!    

But you all know what my favorite thing is to do over and over again…..DANCE!  I am almost feeling like this blog should be called “Chicago’s dancing guinea pig, who occasionally goes on dates, and sometimes does other interesting stuff, but mostly dances”.  Except that’s a really long title. But it’s true!!  I’m sorry friends, this whole blog was about getting out of my comfort zone and doing different things- which I guess getting naked in public, going to bars dressed like a zombie on a night other than Halloween, and putting an app on my phone that allowed creepy men to stalk me are outside my comfort zone are….but I DO admittedly, seem drawn to finding every possible place in the city to dance!  But my new place is MORE than just dancing- it’s a whole lot of awesome all in one!

Old Town School of Folk Music- http://www.oldtownschool.org/concerts/  Are a lot of you reading this and saying “Seriously Guinea Pig?  Old Town School of Folk Music?  We all already know all about that place!  This post is not telling me anything I don’t already know!  It’s a classic Chicago institution.”   I didn’t know about it!!!! I mean, I always heard great things about it, and I know a lot of my friends have taken classes there but I’ve never been; so I thought it was about time!  I’m so mad I’ve wasted so many years in Chicago not going to this place! 

Zumba moves can be transferred into the real world- Old Town has like ten things every day that you can do- each one more interesting than the other.  I had no plans on Friday, so I looked on the agenda…. Hmmm, which of these THREE interesting concerts should I choose to go to?  Of course I chose the one called Global Dance Party.  The Joe Rendon Quintet (which was Afro-Cuban music) was playing at 8:30.  Tickets were only $10!  Not bad.  And from 8:30-9 there was a dance lesson of salsa, cha cha and mambo!  Fun.  And then the band started up at 9 and everyone began to use their newly acquired skills on the dance floor.  There were about 100 people there of all colors and ages!  It was very diverse.  And for those of you that remember my rave reviews about Summer Dance on my September 10^th  blog post http://www.explorechicago.org/city/en/things_see_do/event_landing/special_events/dca_tourism/Chicago_SummerDance.html , yes, this kind of the same thing, except because it’s indoors, they can do it all year round!  The Joe Rendon Quintet was awesome.  And I know it was truly a good event because I took Male Guinea Pig and his fear and discomfort of dancing can only be rivaled by my sheer love of it.  And guess what- he had a blast too!   And he didn’t even dance!  I sure did though.  And I think I injured a few people in the process.  I don’t feel bad though.  Bitches need to move out the way when I swing my hips!

We walked around the place to discover just how amazing it was by looking at their past and future events they had posted on the wall.  There were blues, jazz, folk, and world music concerts (and when I say world, I mean music from places you’ve never even heard of!) almost every night of the week.  There were concerts that included dancing, and then just some straight up dance lessons as well in every style imaginable.  And you can go to an 8 week class for a little over $100, or a one day class for like $20. But wait- there’s more than concerts and dance, you can learn an instrument too!  But not just your ordinary guitar or drums, you can learn Dobro, Gamelan, or Tin Whistle!  I don’t even know what the hell these things are!  And it doesn’t stop there friends- they have art classes, theatre, songwriting, and music theory too!!!    And while I personally do not care, those of you that have kids or teens, they have classes for them as well.  In short, it is like a one stop shop for all things music, but not like crappy Walmart style- it’s quality, high caliber stuff (Marshall Field’s style).  Any kind of art and culture you can possibly imagine- it’s there.   I see why it’s such a highly acclaimed and well respected institution.  I DON’T see why it took me 30-some years to check it out myself!

Rating: 5/5 Best new place ever!

It’s funny, when I started doing this blog nearly a year ago; I thought that I might meet my “soul mate” by going to an assortment of singles events.  Instead, I’ve found things that I’m enjoying way more than the tedious, frustrating chore that dating can be.  I intend to do an end of the year “wrap up”, but for now I think what I’ve learned is that I won’t meet anyone through one of these contrived singles events where you’re forced to generate feelings for a complete stranger, if I DO meet someone, it will be organically, going to one of these events that I really enjoy- like next year, when I sign up at Old Town for some Oud lessons.  No, I do not know what an Oud is, but I would like to learn how to play it.  Furthermore, I’ve been debating whether or not I will continue to do this blog next year (I’m sure I will, but maybe bi-weekly), partly because I will be consumed with student teaching, but partly because I really want to start doing some of these remarkable things I’ve discovered on a more regular basis. 

So have you given up dating Guinea Pig?  No, but it’s less important.  On that front however…. I’m still waiting to hear from Grouper, and my matchmaker called to let me know that while I was in Mexico, my “match” went out with a girl twice that he really liked and he felt it would be wrong to go out with both of us.  And of course that made me think he was a real stand-up guy and like him all the more.  Oh well!  That seems to be my luck with boys.  What’s that?  I don’t care because I have my dark horse?  I do.  But dark horse has been my favorite horse for almost seven years now and I love him to death.  And the truth is, he’s a wild horse that shouldn’t be in the race because he likes to wander aimlessly around the track and doesn’t head for the finish line unless other horses are getting close.  This jockey is tired now and deserves a horse that is able to commit and put her first.  I mean, ummm, cross the finish line.  But he’s very important and I’m not going to just turn him into glue, I’m just not racing him anymore.  He can live in a nice stable and I can visit him and feed him hay.  It’s a good thing I went to the horse races this year for the blog so I can make completely ridiculous, silly- but apt- analogies like this!

In the meantime, I’m just going to keep doing my thing.  And by “my thing” I mean I think I might check out El Circo Cheapo Cabaret next week  http://www.elcircocheapo.com/ and at some point this month I’ll go to the festival in Hammond that celebrates A Christmas Story.  Yes, the awesome movie has its own festival.  http://www.southshorecva.com/achristmasstory/ .  And then I’ll wrap it all up by checking out the Fear Experiment show (another thing I’d like to commit to next year) http://macncheeseproductions.com/fear-experiment .  Hmmm.  I guess I DO, do more than dance!

Before I tell you about this week’s adventure. I just have to give a brief public shout out to Saya Hillman (as always) of www.macncheeseproductions.com and GPiT, aka Guinea Pig in Training, aka my amazing friend Anita of http://www.neurokitchen.org/founders.html .  Were it not for these two ladies, I would not have made it through my blog this past year as the two of them have contributed to ooooohh, about half of the great ideas I’ve had this year!  And I would never have found this week’s adventure were it not for GPiT!

No shoes, no shirt, service!:  I’m not going to lie.  Like many women, I have major body issues.  The last thing I wanted to do- ever- was get naked in front of a bunch of strangers AND my good friend!  She didn’t tell me where we were going- only that it was a surprise, I had to be naked, and it was open 24 hours.  When she mentioned it was a Korean place all I could think is “Damn, those skinny bitches are going to think I’m some kind of lady sumo wrestler”.   I expressed my concern to GPiT about being surrounded by all these perfect bodies, and she looked genuinely confused and said “Every woman’s body is perfect.”  And she meant it.   I was glad I was going with her.  And with that, I walked into Kings Spa and Sauna in Niles and disrobed.  http://www.kingspa.com/

We cleaned off in the public showers and then stepped into the hot tub.  There were three: hot, hotter, and hottest!  They also had a  freezing icy pool, and a sauna.  I will be honest friends, after the initial disrobing apprehension, I was completely at ease.  In fact, I loved it!  It was so relaxing and fun!  The different sensations you had in your body and the changes of your perception of temperatures felt amazing.  And it changed depending on the order you went into the pools.  There were truly women of all ages, colors, shapes and sizes.  No one was judging and no one cared.  Everyone just wanted to soak up the relaxation.  This became very apparent when the Korean pool attendant came up to me holding a sign saying “Shhhh.  Please be quiet and courteous to others.” after I had been talking loudly to GPiT about something- that might have involved some explicatives….  I admit, I’m frequently unintentionally too boisterous for meditative times and places.  I imagine that lady must have thought “hmmm, lady with big boobs also has a big mouth!”  But then someone else got sushed too and I felt less bad.   (Actually they really liked signs there- I don’t know if this is too small to read, but look at this one- it was over the toilet and is hilarious):

 Although I was enjoying this experience, I DID think “hmmm.  This is cool, but it’s not THAT great.” But I was so wrong!  We got out of the pools andwe were given funny cotton pajamas.  We put them on and entered the co-ed portion of the sauna.  This place was crazy!  There was this horribly awesome, pink,  Italian Rococo  furniture you could lounge in, and there was a movie theatre- yes a movie theatre- with like 30 plush Barcaloungers, there was a cafeteria where you could get all kinds of Korean dishes, and then if all that wasn’t relaxing enough for you, they had an area where you could relax even more and lie on the floor on a mat, in more Barcaloungers, or in actual beds.  Look, this place is open 24 hours aday, 7 days a week, so in theory, you could pay the $25 to get in and stay there for like two days if you wanted!!!  

But wait- I didn’t even tell you about my favorite part! In this co-ed part, there were all these OTHER fun rooms: Amethyst, Soot, Gold, Ochre, Fire Sanatorium, Salt, and Ice rooms!  And you just go into each of these rooms and lie on the ground and soak up the warmth and the different, unique healing properties of gold, amethyst, etc.  I don’t know that I got anything different from the salt room than I did from the ochre room, but who cares?!?! It was just relaxing and fun!  It was like visiting a bunch of different little themed homes out of a fairy tale!  It was a trip.  Oh, EXCEPT the Fire Sanatorium!  THAT room is heated by some stove that runs at 200 degrees Celsius!  I know that water boils at 100 degrees Celsius, so that means 200 degrees is hot as, well, hell!!!!!  And despite all the warning signs around the outside, and the guy that burst out of the Sanatorium as though he was on fire, GPiT and I entered at our own risk.  I thought I was going to die.  There was a woman relaxing meditatively in there; so clearly it could be done.  I sat down.  Aaaaahh.  I lasted about thirty seconds, and when I adjusted myself I realized just how hot it was and panicked.  I said quietly to GPiT “I can’t take this anymore.”  And as I stood up, my feet felt enflamed and I ran like a raging bull with Turret’s towards the door shouting “Shit!  Fuck!  Ass!” like a complete asshole- surely disturbing the poor woman finding peace.  And then the door was stuck and I freaked out and shouted “Oh God!  Why can’t I get this door open!” and then using some sumo wrestler force, I burst free with GPiT following behind me and laughing. 

We finished our afternoon with some tasty lunch and a couple more dips in all of the hot tubs, the cold pool and sauna.  We had been there for four hours and it seemed like an eternity and like no time at all.  All I knew was I felt happy, completely relaxed, ready for a nap, and totally liberated after being naked publically!

Rating: 5/5 Go!  Go!  Go!  There’s only one here and one in Dallas.  It was really unlike anything I’ve ever done.  A totally unique experience.  Oh- and everything we did was included in the base price of $25.  They had all kinds of other services like massage, acupuncture, and fascinating things I’ve never heard of for additional money.  But I was completely satisfied with the basics.  Also, ladies, GPiT thought would be a great idea for like a girls slumber party birthday outing…. I agree!

OK, well I have no idea what I will do this week.  So if anyone else out there has some thoughts of something to do that I haven’t checked out already- drop me a line!